Three Techniques For Managing Difficult Relationships In The Workplace.
Have you ever been so angry or annoyed at someone that you become physically agitated just by being around them? I have. It is not the best feeling and especially not in the workplace where you spend most of your waking hours. The worst part is how thinking about this person can provoke such extremely negative feelings.
Colleagues can be a great source of inspiration and energy but just like anywhere, one or two unpleasant relationships can spoil an otherwise great environment. Also, the higher we rise in an organisation, the more we are going to have tough conversations and maybe interact with people we don’t agree with all the time.
There is limited ability to remove ourselves from this kind of situation but there is a major opportunity to strengthen our internal resilience regardless of external influences.
I would like to show you three techniques that work wonders in a situation like this to reframe, calm and reset your view of the moment. Using one or all of these will lead to more pleasant and balanced relationships with your colleagues.
The Flower Technique
I first came across the flower technique in “The Way to Love” by Anthony de Mello. Anthony was a Jesuit priest who trained extensively in Buddhist meditation.
This is how he put it:
Is it possible for the rose to say, “I will give my fragrance to the good people who smell me, but I will withhold it from the bad?” Or is it possible for the lamp to say, “I will give my light to the good people in this room, but I will withhold it from the evil people”? Or can a tree say, “I’ll give my shade to the good people who rest under me, but I will withhold it from the bad”?
Maintain your composure with a deep breath and picture yourself as a flower. Is it possible for a flower to withhold its beauty from a dog barking at it? No. Just continue being a flower radiating your lovely fragrance and colour throughout the world. This technique works amazingly well in stressful situations where someone may have raised their voice to create an argument. Obviously the best thing here is to not follow form and escalate the tension but remain calm and composed.
Family Life
Another technique for re-framing relationships is to take a moment to visualise your subject outside of work. Just like your work life is only one slice of a larger more rich personality, take the time to imagine your subject at home or with friends. Regardless of how they choose to operate at work they are also probably a doting parent, laughing friend or attentive sibling to someone else. Picture them in this moment and you will remember the humanity that exists within us all.
Body Scanning
Mindfulness practices like body scanning can also provide some real depth and personal growth into why a person has such an effect on you. Stop and take a deep breath. Feel the points in your body where stress is gathered. Is it in your temples? your neck? your stomach? When does this feeling arise? Is it when talking with a specific person? Is it when doing a specific task?
Take note of that moment. How can you respond better next time, more mindfully, than letting your body and brain jumping into a fight or flight response? Once you see a pattern here, take steps to intercede any negative emotions and replace them with goodwill. This has worked wonders personally to turn once stressful conversations into a practice of care and understanding.
